#brandon crawford #sf giants
#brandon crawford #sf giants
“Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn’t carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life.”
-Stephen King
I just can’t not reblog this
(via keeponsearchingg)
For my own future reference
Good Communication
Communication in a relationship is critical. Clear communication works best. Be honest, but polite, about what you want to say. Think before you say it. When talking about things:
- Do not blame the person. This will make them defensive and tend to yell.
- Do not bring up old arguments. Leave the past in the past.
- Talk when you are calm and you are not stressed out. If you begin to get agitated, say something like “I am too angry to talk now, but I will be back in an hour to talk more about this.” Then leave, take a walk, get an ice cream, do something.
- Use “I” statements. Ex: “When the garbage is not emptied every day, it stinks, and I feel like you are not holding up your promise to empty the garbage.” Or “I feel hurt when you don’t talk to me.”
- Compromise. Ask for something realistic and be ready to compromise on it. Each person has to get their needs met.
- You are not the center of the universe. Your partner has needs too. Ask them what they are. You are not expected to be a mind reader.
- Learn about yourself and your needs. Only when you know yourself can you ask your partner to help you meet your needs.
About Compatibility
Issues of compatibility from an American’s point of view.
People who want a long term relationship (LTR) should focus on compatibility. Because no matter how much you love them, they will not change unless they want to. And their differences can be sources of constant disagreements.
The top 3 issues couples fight most about: sex, money, kids, in no particular order.
Sex
- How often to have sex.
- How kinky to get.
Studies show that if one really wants sex, and they don’t get it, they get very irritable. This can lead to more stress and fighting. Thus, you could say sex is a need for some people. But it is not like food. If you don’t get sex you will not die, but you will be very unhappy.
Sex can be a time for intimate bonding and sharing, so many people, men and women, need sex for emotional issues. If emotional needs do not get met, more stress and fighting ensue.
Money
- How much to spend on a house. When to buy a house. Should we put 10% down? 20% down? 1% down?
- How much of an emergency fund to have.
- How much debt is acceptable.
- Should we pay off debt first or get a basic emergency fund started?
- How often to buy a new car? Should the car be “new new” or just used and new to us?
People fight a lot about money. One person is fine having lots of debt, while debt can cause anxiety attacks in the partner. Some compromise must be made. But the very nature of compromise is that no party is happy. Neither gets what they really want, but but get part way there.
Talk about money with your SO if you think things are getting more serious, and you might consider spending your life with them. Never wait until after committing to discuss something so important, and commonly fought about.
Kids
- When/If to have them.
- How many to have.
- How to discipline them.
- What to teach them about material things.
- How hard to push them in school, sports, extra curricular activities.
Other issues*
The more you have in common, the more likely your relationship will last. So a couple should have bother interests and attitudes in common.
Interests
These include hobbies, music, TV shows, activities they can do together to spend time together.
Attitudes
This includes attitudes about politics, religion, how to raise kids, how to deal with money. It covers many of the issues in the top 3 things couples fight about.
Elements of a Healthy Relationship
Clear communication
- They ask for something when they need it. They don’t keep it bottled up inside then explode when their needs are not met.
- They don’t expect their partner to have ESP and read their mind.
Proper Disagreements
- They can calmly talk about things they disagree about without calling names, bringing up weaknesses, falling back on past transgressions, or making personal insults.
- They stop discussion if one or more parties is too upset to talk, but resume when they have calmed down.
- Try not to go to bed angry. Resolve the issue before going to bed.
They admit they are wrong
- They admit when they are wrong, and apologize for it. They do not try to pass blame on to someone else.
Acceptance
- They accept their partner for who they are and do not try to change them.
- It is unrealistic thinking one person can change their partner. The partner has to do the changing.
- Forgive your partner for making mistakes. They are not perfect and neither are you.
Supportive
- The person is supportive of the partner in good times and bad.
- The person understands and tries to meet the partner’s needs, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and otherwise.
Follow through
- If they say they are committed and exclusive, they don’t cheat on you.
- If they say they are going to do something, they do it.
Independence
- Your SO is not responsible for your happiness. You are. If you have a problem, step up and ask for your SO’s support. They cannot give you support if you don’t ask for it.
#reddit #relationships #ta1901
